A True Conversation

The following is a complete transcript of the conversation Gus and I had on the way home from agility Thursday morning:

"Gus, I'm just wondering why you won't stick with me for just one hour, once a week, during agility? Am I asking too much? Is running away really all that rewarding??"

"Well, Janet" (he always calls me by my first name), "it's not that I don't try. Every week I say to myself - I'm gonna stay with her this week, really I am, this week will be different. But cats, they are like crack - they make my brain go numb. That toy thing you did today - that was brilliant! It momentarily took my mind away from cats - maybe next time we could play tug with a real cat?"

"Gus!!!"

"Just kidding, just kidding."

"Seriously, Gus, if you don't like agility just say so."

"Ummm, let's look at the facts girl friend. We've been in level 2 almost 15 years."

"15 years? Gus, you are not that old."

"Focus Janet - I'm a dog - I'm talking dog years here! Sheesh..." (rolls eyes)

"Anyway, like I was saying - 15 years, everyone who started with us has moved on to a higher level class, some who started after we started have moved on. Those new dogs who started last week - the cocker and the shelties - they will be in level 3 by next week. Janet - we stink!!"

"OK, ok, maybe you have a point. But Gus I want to do agility."

"Fine by me Janet, but since I am the one who actually does the obstacles we do it my way. And my way includes occasional cat hunting ventures."

"You know Gus, I have other dogs. Perhaps one of them would enjoy agility more than you do."

"Ya, right! It sounds like you are thinking about replacing me? Get real, what have you got? Let's see - Gracie? - can't jump, can't walk up inclines - don't think so! Bill? too short, afraid of dog walks, A-frames, and teeters - not very promising! Blue Monster? - eats Border Collies, nuff said! Looks like you are stuck with me - the Gus-man!! Ya!!"

Mumbling under my breath - "maybe I'll replace you with a cat..."

"What!?! What did you say!?!"